My favorite quote from comedian-author Jim Mendrinos is, “No one wants to write. Everyone wants to have written.” That sums it all up. Writing a joke is hard work: You need the premise, the point of view, the surprise or twist, and you build it all from the ground up. If it’s such hard work, why do it?
I could say something corny like, “I do it for the love of the craft, the feeling of knowing someone is laughing at my ideas, my thought process, and they find something funny that I created.” Yeah that might be true, but I’m not trying to be a good comic, I’m trying to be famous. There are short cuts to writing that makes it all easier on us fame seekers; you get the same laughter from the audience without that pesky preparation and hard work needed to craft a joke. Here are some shortcuts that will allow you to write quicker, thereby spending more time on what matters: your social media accounts.
Cheap trick #1: “Look at me! I am a stereotype.”
This is my favorite way to fabricate a joke. If you play a stereotype, then half your writing is done for you. You are black. You are gay. You are a woman. Therefore, your setup is pre-written for you. All you have to do is play to the audiences’ preconceived stereotypes and you on your way! I’m not Asian, or gay, or a woman, so I can’t do a lot of that material . I am black; however, CHA-CHING!
All I have to do is “write” a bunch of jokes about how I have bad credit, or how I love white women, and maybe a joke or two about how huge my penis is…I can’t say penis in the joke because we all know black guys don’t talk like that. I have to say “I got a huge dick, son!” I know some of you might think this is pure coonery and bafoonery, but it gets the job done. I get the laughs without wasting time writing jokes. I want to sip Cristal like Flava Flav, not fade into obscurity like Chuck D. 50 Cent sells millions of records to young white males, why? Because he reinforces a stereotype they already have; he is not challenging them in any way. He’s not The Legendary Roots Crew, I mean really, who wants those do-gooders with their positive crap? I want my blacks the way my grandfather wanted his: walking stereotypes.
Cheap trick #2: “Look at this silly face I am making!”
The whole punch of the joke should be your facial expression, if you can throw in some animal noises that would be great. I know you might say that we wouldn’t be writing an actual joke, but falling back on physicality to get laughs. We’re performers and that’s part of the performance. I know there are some people who we are performing and trying to get the audience to empathize and understand our feelings behind the jokes and facial expressions help that.
I’m not talking about those facial expressions; they are a subset of acting which is actually hard work. I’m talking about acting a fool on stage, instead of writing something clever. What I am saying is, if the whole punch line is your face, or you pretending to be some crazy animal and barking in a patron’s ear, then it’s perfect.
Cheap trick #3: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, bitch!”
A curse word at the end of a joke will always get a laugh! “I’m Rick James, bitch!” If you do a joke with no curse at the end and it bombs every time, just add “bitch” to it. Okay, I know some people will say that the joke itself is not funny and the audience is laughing only at the curse word. To that I say, “So what, bitches!” They’re laughing and that’s what counts.
Cheap trick #4: “This joke is not funny, but when I put music behind it, it gets a laugh.”
I start my guitar lessons tomorrow. If a joke is not funny when you speak it, it might be funny when you sing it. A good melody and catchy chorus can change everything. If you do a song parody, then you didn’t even write the melody, it’s even less work. I don’t mean Weird Al’s stuff – his punches in the songs are actually well written tags that looks like it takes too much time.
Cheap trick #5: “Can you believe we have a football team called the Washington Redskins? That’s racist, like having the Denver Dykes or the Newark N*ggers.”
That’s pretty funny stuff, but guess what? Chris Rock wrote it. It was in his first HBO comedy special, Big Ass Jokes and on his first CD, Born Suspect. So why would other comedians perform the material? This is the best form of being lazy – stealing other people’s jokes. It happens a lot. How do I know? I’ve seen it and I’ve been the victim of it.
To me, getting a laugh off a stolen joke is like putting on a mask of another person’s face so you can sleep with his girlfriend. I think they still call that rape, but you can get away with it if the mask is good. You will get laughs because the person from whom you stole is a good writer. You might even perform the joke better than that person, but the joke is not yours, so you really have to cover your tracks.
I suggest stealing jokes that are not familiar to your audience. For example, if you do urban rooms, steal some old Joan Rivers’ jokes and blacken them up. If you work clean rooms, rent some Redd Foxx and whiten the jokes. It’s just that simple and all you need to get started is a Blockbuster card!
– Josh Homer, comedian (www.joshhomer.com)
