The Flip Side of Rohypnol
Hearing the Call of the Cougar
Every experienced party person knows you never leave your drink unattended. Be it glass, cup, can or mug you must be vigilant lest somebody slips you a Roofie. Even back in the day before Rohypnol was part of our everyday vocabulary, you just knew if you turned your back somebody was bound to take liberties with your libation.
In my heyday, I hugged my drink tighter than a running back grips a football. Nobody was sneaking in anything without my knowledge. I even hawkishly watched the bartender to be sure he wasn’t in league with some nefarious ne’redowell. I can honestly say that while at a party I’ve never drained a drink dry. If my attention wavered for a moment I would immediately abandon my beverage. I learned it was cheaper just to dance and pretend I wasn’t parched.
I was at a function recently where a woman left the table and put a napkin over the top of her soda can. I think she did this out of reflex because it was a relatively nice and upscale event; not at all the type of shindig where one need worry about running the risk of a roofie. While I believe whole-heartedly in the adage “better safe than sorry,” I wondered how much protection a napkin would really provide. Can a would-be Rohypnol Dropper be so easily foiled? Does etiquette demand that if a cup is covered, he move on to an unguarded glass?
Is there an age where you no longer have to worry about being roofied? Certainly a young lady so new and fresh on the scene that she’s still shiny must be on her guard, but what’s the cut off? After age 60? 70? (My ego hopes that men will still want me, and not just for my money. I want to have that Lena Horne, Eartha Kitt kinda sexy well into my 90s.) The woman at the event who put the napkin over her soda can was in her mid 50s. It seemed more likely that she’d go cougar and roofie some sweet young thing in his 30s.
Some people are offended by the term cougar. I’m not sure why. What’s wrong with a mature woman being a wild cat; a creature who knows the rules of the jungle; who can hunt, chase and capture what she wants. Maybe people are concerned that as a women ages the tables turn. Instead of worrying about someone slipping something into her drink, she’ll begin employing the tactic herself.
In this paradigm, however, one would think a roofie would be unnecessary. Given the dictates of human biology, men don’t need much coercion when sex is in the offing. Men go willingly, nay, happily should their good fortune net them a teacher, a sugar mommy or just a good time. And this isn’t mere charity work. Today’s older women are looking fabulous! No longer does my gender need to quietly toddle off to the land of moo-moos and orthopedic shoes. There are a plethora of hot mamas over 40 who are putting 20 year-olds to shame.
But the same biology that drives men to seize the punani pay day may also make them hesitant to move from hunter to hunted. It’s not a position they’re used to. I envision young men at parties clutching their rum and cokes, casting suspicious glances at the seasoned women on the prowl. The men worry, “Will that Silver Fox at the bar slip me a roofie if I glance away from my glass? Will she use me, abuse me and cast me aside?” Only if you’re lucky, baby. But if you’re not ready fellas, don’t worry. Any self-respecting cougar will pass you by if you put a napkin over your drink. That’s proper roofie etiquette and a cougar is nothing if not a lady.
© 2008 Leighann Lord
A very funny lady on the stage and on the page, stand-up comedian Leighann Lord pens a weekly humor column with topics ranging from the personal to the political, from the silly to the sophisticated. Reminiscent of a modern day Erma Bombeck (famed nationally syndicated humor columnist), a fan dubbed Leighann, “The Urban Erma” and the name stuck. It’s a fun, fast read that leaves you laughing, or at least wondering why we don’t have a comprehensive mental health care plan. Visit Leighann at MySpace.
