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Humor Column: The Urban Erma by Leighann Lord: Jerry Springer Comes to Congress

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Where Was the Sargeant at Arms?

By Leighann Lord

I figured if President Obama could speak to the nation’s school children he could speak to a joint session of Congress. I guess I was wrong.

I watched the President Obama deliver his health care speech and it seemed like things were going good for a while. But with each passing statement, fewer Republicans applauded. More of them began staring stoned faced as if in homage to Mount Rushmore. Was House Minority Whip Eric Cantor texting?! Admittedly, I have a soft spot for Mr. Cantor. He looks to me how Harry Potter would have turned out had he gone to Slytherin instead of Gryffindor.

And then it happened. When President Obama began clearing up the misconceptions about the current health care proposal, saying that it would not pay for illegal immigrants, Rep. Joe Wilson suddenly shouted out, “You lie.”

For a moment I thought I had been transported to the floor of the British Parliament or the set of The Jerry Springer Show. Sitting behind the president, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi stared in disbelief. Vice President Joe Biden hung his head in shame. Clearly Rep. Wilson had not read his handbook on Congressional etiquette. Way to go South Carolina. The Palmetto State’s standards might be a little skewed, with it’s own Gov. Mark Sanford refusing to resign after an extra marital affair and political misconduct.

Where oh where was the Congressional Sargeant at Arms? Finally, an opportunity to do more than just look official and he blew it. If this isn’t censure worthy behavior, I don’t know what is.

To Mr. Wilson’s credit, he did apologize. “This evening, I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the president’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. While I disagree with the president’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the president for this lack of civility.”

According to CNN, “Wilson also called the White House to apologize and spoke with Obama’s Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who accepted the apology on the president’s behalf.” Wilson had to call the White House since he’s probably not on the BlackBerry short list. I imagine that President Obama wanted to take the call himself, if for no other reason than to kill him with kindness, but Rahm Emanuel said, “No, Mr. President. I’ll take this one.”

Nobody wants to talk to Rahm (I eat puppies for breakfast, kittens for lunch, and blue dog democrats for dinner) Emanuel.

Demonic Lackey: “Excuse me? Mr. Satan, Sir? Rahm Emanuel’s on line one.”

Satan, suddenly looking nervous and less sure of himself, says: “Oh God. Tell him I’m in a meeting.”

With inappropriate behavior like this, I certainly hope the nation’s school children weren’t watching.

© 2009 Leighann Lord

A very funny lady on the stage and on the page, stand-up comedian Leighann Lord pens a weekly humor column with topics ranging from the personal to the political, from the silly to the sophisticated. Reminiscent of a modern day Erma Bombeck (famed nationally syndicated humor columnist), a fan dubbed Leighann, “The Urban Erma” and the name stuck. It’s a fun, fast read that leaves you laughing, or at least wondering why we don’t have a comprehensive mental health care plan. Follow Leighann on Twitter and visit her at MySpace.

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