Conan has had it up to here. NBC execs have told him that they’ll keep him around, but only in the 12:05am time slot, with The Tonight Show being renamed Early Morning Sermon with Father O’Brien.
I think Mark’s always been on steroids…Even the “u” in “McGuire” is pumped up to a “w”!
Joe Namath’s daughter was caught by police before she was able to get rid of some marijuana and beer in her car. Guess she didn’t inherit the famous Namath “quick release”!
An 8 year-old Cub Scout from New Jersey was hassled by airport security because he happens to have the same name as a known terrorist. The tot told the press, “Yeah, and I think my stupid sister told them that I make underwear bombs too, like after we eat at Grandma’s.”
The cold wave might be easing up. Restaurant owners down in Florida have begun to report sightings of the “coupon-clutching early bird”.
A man caused an emergency landing after going berserk and screaming that he was being “disrespected” during a recent AirTran flight. He was then rushed to a psychiatric hospital for thinking that any human being could be respected on AirTran.
John McCain really screwed up Sarah Palin’s background check. “Why would I have to vet her? My advisors told me she was smart, very obedient and had already had all her shots.”
The New York Mets apparently claimed in court that when a woman was injured by a drunk fan who fell on her from a higher row, she should have been looking up, rather than at the game. Mets management should be reminded that Mets fans are always looking up, not necessarily in the stands, but always in the standings!
Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
