A manufacturer of combat rifle-sights inscribes Bible passages on them. Wonder if they also inscribe, “And don’t forget to obey the Nine Commandments!”
I’d always thought that the Supreme Court Justices worked in their offices. Looks like they prefer the lobbies.
First row seats to the AFC Championship Game sold for just five dollars! But only on the Jets sideline; they were considered “obstructed view seating” because of Rex Ryan’s gut!
So Conan gets $45 mill and is free to return to television in eight months. Andy Richter unfortunately gets no money, but is free to drive for U.P.S. immediately, pending a clean driving record, urine screen, and a fitting for his uniform.
The CEO of Starbucks, in an effort to turn the struggling company around, has urged employees to “break the rules and do things for yourself.” So a barista at my Starbucks started bringing in and selling what has become the most popular menu item…$1.99 Dunkin’ Donuts lattes.
George W. Bush said he’d gladly help the other former presidents with the Haiti relief efforts. “Heck, yeah, reportin’ for duty! Which island? Tell my daddy and Clinton, “I call Maui!”
Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
