By Neil Berliner
The president has reversed George Bush’s decision to send astronauts to the moon, saying that we already did that in the ’60s. Obama went on to say that he also won’t be sending any more troops to Viet Nam or inviting the Beatles to the White House!
Pee Wee Herman is hoping for a big comeback by doing a revival of his live stage show. By “comeback”, I hope he doesn’t mean the theater seats.
An Ohio strip club is offering lap dances to raise money for the Haiti earthquake victims. Looks like those strippers will be causing some more earthquakes out in Ohio!
Frances Reid, the elderly actress on Days of our Lives just died at 95, or as she would have put it: one thousand, three hundred, forty seven episodes!
A 19 year-old girl just auctioned off her virginity online for $32,000. In a related story, Susan Boyle said she would be willing to bid up to $100,000 to get rid of her virginity.
A 12 year-old girl in New York City was recently taken away in handcuffs after doodling her name, “Ima” on her desk at school. Unfortunately, Ima’s last name is “Bout-to-blow-up-this-damn-school”!
Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
