Burger King is “rolling out” home delivery service. “For those times when you just can’t expend 50 calories to consume those 2,000 calories.”
The “over-under” in the Giants-49ers game is 34 1/2 for for “Tom Coughlin blank facial expressions.”
A study shows that marijuana doesn’t damage the lungs. Unless the dealer laces the blunts with tobacco!
I wonder if Flo, the Progressive Insurance Girl, ever called Geico, just to check.
Which New York museum is it again with the fossils and dinosaurs, the rooms with ancient relics, nothing modern. Lots of rich members. Oh,yeah, right…The Friars Club. I saw comedians there who played the Catskills before they had mountains…
Hostess Cakes, the bankrupt manufacturer of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Ho Hos will keep baking them. “Our coffers may be empty, but we’ll keep giving the people empty calories with their coffee…”
If not for comedy, all my friends would be on welfare! Wait, I mean, if not for welfare, all my comedian friends would be homeless!
Neil Berliner is a writer for the syndicated late-night comedy talk show, The John Kerwin Show. He is a practicing M.D. and comedy writer, and has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
