My wife and I have a young son named Ivan. He is 14 months old. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#74) – Civics.
1. My husband and I have a 14-month old son, and we want to teach him about civics. Where should we start? Start with this– Mitt Romney is a liar.
2. How big a liar? A big fat liar.
3. Yeah, but don’t all politicians lie? Look, on the political lying scale, there’s a 0 to 10 scale. At the O end is George Washington who could not tell a lie and who admitted to chopping down the Cherry Tree. At the 10 end of the scale (aka “Pinocchio Level”) you have: (a) George Bush’s assertion that Iraq had WMD; (b) Nixon claiming he wasn’t a crook and denying his complicity in Watergate; (c) Nixon’s denial of secret bombing in Cambodia; and (d) Reagan’s secret arms sales to Iran during the Iran-Contra scandal. On that scale, Mitt’s running at about a 9 right now, just based on the frequency and sheer chutzpah of his lying.
4. What’s “chutzpah?” It’s when a rich guy whose family got rich by running an auto company goes to Michigan and says he wants the auto industry to be strong even though he was the first one to say that the Federal Government should let that industry go bankrupt.
5. I thought civics was the study of the rights and duties of citizens. It is. So study up. Romney has the right to lie on TV in front of 70 million people and not even break a sweat. You have the duty not to fall for that BS and to go ahead and vote for the other guy.
6. Why can’t we can just have civil discourse in the public arena? Because one party likes to wrap itself in the flag and then yell and scream that the President was born in Kenya. Also because of Snooki and the Kardashians.
7. What’s the most important issue of today? You mean besides the fact that the planet is literally melting from global warming? After that, I’d say it’s everything else. Oh, and the fact that the Kardashians are still on TV.
8. What’s the biggest obstacle to thorough civics education in America today? The fact that Mitt Romney said he could balance the budget by cutting money spent on PBS and people believed him.
9. Why don’t you like Romney? He has no lips.
10. What’s the solution? Vote for Ivan. And, if you can’t do that. Vote Obama.
Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, CNN.com and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at www.alexbarnettcomic.com, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
