My wife and I have an infant son named Ivan. He is 15 months old. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#80) – The Fiscal Cliff.
1. My husband and I have a 15-month old son. We’re trying to plan for his financial future, but we’re worried about the “fiscal cliff.” What should we do? You should rent Thelma & Louise and see what happens when you go over that cliff.
2. How bad is the fiscal cliff? Not so bad if you’re fast like Road Runner. But, if you’re like Wile E. Coyote, it’s a long way down. So, try not to carry around any anvils.
3. If Congress doesn’t act, and we go over the fiscal cliff, what will happen to young families like ours? You will get the chance to see what it’s like to live in a country with a European economy but without the social welfare benefits.
4. Who’s to blame if we go over the fiscal cliff? You mean besides Mitch McConnell and his turkey neck?
5. What will happen to education spending if we go over the fiscal cliff? Put it this way, make sure you stock up snacks, because you’re going to be home-schooling. Hope you don’t have any plans for the next 18 years.
6. If we go over the fiscal cliff, how will this affect middle class families like ours? It won’t affect you much. The Republicans in government will still continue to screw you over at every chance.
7. Is there anything that we can do as a family to prepare for the “fiscal cliff?” I suggest buying a large box that you can all live in.
8. Have you heard of financial advisors for families facing the fiscal cliff? Yes, it’s called grandparents. They’ll be all too happy to tell you how to save money, as they tell you what else you did wrong.
9. If we go over the fiscal cliff, will that affect our son’s development? Well, he’ll grow up poor, which sucks. But, poverty will distract him from thinking about what bad parents he has.
10. Can children play a role in averting the fiscal cliff? I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.
Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, CNN.com and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at www.alexbarnettcomic.com, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
