My wife and I have an infant son named Ivan. He is 16 months old. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#82) – Winter Vacations.
1. My husband and I have a 16-month old son. We’d like to take a year-end winter vacation. What do you suggest? Stay home. You can’t afford to go anywhere.
2. But aren’t there some good deals available now? Yes, for companies that sell vacation packages to suckers like you that think that you can only go away between Christmas and New Year’s.
3. So, what should we do? Stay home (just don’t call it a “staycation” because that’s an overused and annoying phrase).
4. But, isn’t that what we’ll be doing, having a staycation? No. People with fabulous homes and servants have staycations. You’ll be staying home. If you’re not working, well then you’re ahead of the game.
5. Yes, but our job provides us with vacation time that we have to use or lose? So, use it. Take the days off from work, stay home and help your child learn something so that he will get a good job, from which he take a vacation, rather than having the broke and meager existence that his parents have.
6. Assuming we do stay home, do you have some suggestions of how we can use our time off? Yes, dust off your resume and look for better jobs.
7. Anything else? Yes, well, remember that your child is 16 months old. It doesn’t take much to entertain him. You don’t need to stay at a fancy hotel. In fact, if you just go out and get a giant cardboard box, and let your son play with the box, he’ll probably think it’s the best place to stay in the world.
8. Now, let’s assume we do decide to go away on vacation. Any recommendations of places to go? Well, I can tell you where not to go — any place where single people want to have fun.
9. That’s why I’m asking. Are there family friendly places to go on vacation that you’d recommend? Yeah, go to Grandma’s and leave the little tyke there and then run away.
10. What if Grandma lives very far away? Then drink heavily, where ear muffs and buy your child a million toys to play with. He’ll have a good time and be engaged, and you’ll have a respite from reality.
Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, CNN.com and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at www.alexbarnettcomic.com, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
