My wife and I have an infant son named Ivan. He is 16 months old. Ivan is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#83) – Ear Infections.
1. My husband and I have a 16-month old son. Recently, he developed an ear infection. What should we do? Talk into his other ear.
2. Seriously, what should we do? You could start by taking him to the doctor. Or, alternatively you could do the following: get a whole chicken. Boil it in a pot. Remove the skin and sauté that in a pan filled with a 1/4 cup of chopped onions and ¼ cup of minced celery. Then, removed the browned skins and puree the onions and celery. Then throw that all out and take the kid to the doctor.
3. Are ear infections serious? They’re not the subject of a documentary or a one-hour police drama, but, yes, they’re relatively serious.
4. We took our son to the doctor for treatment of an ear infection, and he prescribed an antibiotic. I’m worried about possible side effects. What are those? Well, we’re not talking Viagra here. However, toddlers often will throw up after ingesting antibiotics because their stomachs can’t tolerate the medicine, also because they think it’s hilarious to throw up on their parents.
5. What happens to ear infections if untreated? Same thing that happens if treated – they go away.
6. Is there any cause for alarm? Uh, yeah. Do you read the newspaper? Fiscal cliff. Global Warming. Gun violence. People driving while texting. There’s all kinds of stuff that’s really alarming, but not ear infections. Those are just a pain in the …ear.
7. My doctor said that if our son gets any more ear infections, he may have to get tubes put in his ears to keep the canals clear so it won’t affect his ability to learn to talk. What do you think? I think you have a high deductible, and the doctor needs money to buy Christmas gifts for people.
8. What causes ear infections? Parents with annoying voices and irritating things to say.
9. What are the signs that my child has an ear infection? Often ear infection is marked by fever, runny nose, and the child rubbing his or her ears. Also, if you see potatoes and carrots in your child’s ears you should investigate.
10. Where can I find out more about ear infections? Google. The pediatrician. Any grandparent who thinks they know better.
Alex Barnett is a comedian-writer based in New York City. He writes News from the Crib, a parenting blog about his experiences as a new father. Barnett has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, CNN.com and NYC-TV, and has performed at clubs, colleges and venues throughout the country. Barnett, a winner of the 12th Annual Gilda’s Club Laugh-Off, is a member Comedians at Law, a group of six comics who all left the law to pursue their dream. Fans can visit him at www.alexbarnettcomic.com, find him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.
