My wife and I have 17 month-old son named Ivan. He is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called:
#TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#89) – Hygiene.
1. My husband and I have a 17-month old son. How do we teach him to brush his teeth? As always, lead by example. If you brushed yours (and we all wish you would), that’s the way to set a good example. By the way, you specifically should consider some mouthwash and a Tic-Tac.
2. Is it necessary to give our son a bath every day? Depends. Are you French? If not, then, yes, bathing-good. Dirt-bad.
3. Our son always seems to have a runny nose. What should we do about that? Wipe it.
4. But, how do we stop his nose from running? Tie its ankles together.
5. Seriously, how do we stop his nose from running? You don’t. It’s a nose. It’s not a dog. You can’t train it not to run. Running is what noses do. That’s their main job, besides smelling, holding up eyeglasses and being there to get picked. Best bet is keep tissues on hand…or sleeves.
6. Our son seems obsessed with using handi-wipes to wipe down surfaces in our house. Is that bad? Not at all. He may have a future career as a maid…or as the subject of OCD experiments.
7. On the subject of hygiene, how often should we change our son’s diaper? At least once a week…Kidding. Obviously. The way to determine this is ask yourself: “how long would I want to sit in my own pee and poo?” That’s how often you should change the diaper.
8. Is there a particular brand of cleanser we should use to wash our son’s face and hands? Any kind of mild soap will do. There are more than ample numbers of baby-specific cleansers. On the other hand, you and your husband should remember that soap – no matter how strong — will not cleanse the soul.
9. How do we clean our son’s ears? Well, I can tell you that you should not use Q-Tip, unless you are friendly with the former front man to A Tribe Called Quest, and he volunteers to do it.
10. What about shampoo? Should we use that? Only if you can’t find real poo. If that’s the case, the sham kind will have to do.
