My wife and I have 17 month-old son named Ivan. He is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#90) – Elmo.
1. My husband and I have a 17-month old son. He loves Elmo videos. Is it okay for him to watch? With the exception of Elmo’s cameo in the new Stallone-Willis-Schwarzenegger aging, action-figure shoot-em-up (working title, Still Hard: Viagra Heroes), it is perfectly fine for your son to watch Elmo.
2. How many hours a day should we limit his viewing to? Well, first, you shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition. So maybe you ought to start by limiting yourself to some remedial English. Then, I’d say, you’ll know when the limit is by when he starts being able to tell you what’s going to happen in the video before it actually happens.
3. Should we be worried about our son watching Elmo given the recent news about Kevin Clash, the puppeteer that was Elmo’s voice and spirit? No, Elmo is Elmo and Kevin is Kevin. Elmo is like the Lone Ranger, different actors may inhabit the mask, but the character of Elmo remains unchanging, immutable and timeless…and slightly annoying but in a child-like way.
4. Why is Elmo red? Why is the sky blue? Why is snow white? Why is chocolate brown? They are because they are. Elmo is red because that is the manifestation of his inner Elmo-ness.That is why you are green, because inside you are filled with envy at the success of others around you.
5. Isn’t Elmo just Grover, but red and with a higher voice? That’s like saying isn’t your son, just your husband but shorter and less annoying? Elmo and Grover do bear a resemblance to one another, but they are distinct and distinctive and shame on you for suggesting otherwise.
6. Where is Elmo’s World located? Well, regrettably for all you Comic-Con fans out there, Elmo’s World is not located near Middle Earth or anywhere near where Elfs, Dwarves and Hobbits live. Indeed, reports state that Elmo’s world is in Brooklyn and that it is often visited by Jay-Z.
7. What’s with Mr. Noodle? And, why are there two of them? What’s with Mr. Noodle is that you have hard-working comic actors, Bill Irwin, (the now-deceased Michael Jeter), playing the Noodle Brothers and Kristin Chenoweth and Sarah Jones performing as the Noodle Sisters, because hey, an actor’s gotta eat, and not just noodles.
8. Is Dorothy the Goldfish played by the same fish, or are there multiple Dorothy’s? As far as we’ve been able to find out, there are multiple Dorothy’s (just as there were multiple Lassie’s and Rin Tin Tin’s). The original Dorothy, may she rest in peace, was played by Trudy Fishbein.
9. What’s Elmo’s favorite music video? Elmo, as you might guess, is ever the politician, and is loathe to pick one “favorite.” However, in a recent interview he said, he was partial to the videos he created with Train, Feist, Will I. Am, Elvis Costello, Katy Perry, Alicia Keys and Diana Krall. Also, he said that while Halle Berry can’t sing at all, she’s as hot as the day is long, and Elmo can’t wait to grow up so he can ask her out.
10. What advice would Elmo give to today’s kids? Stay in school, eat your vegetables, and buy low, sell high.
