My wife and I have an 18 month-old son named Ivan. He is very concerned that parents do right by their children (he is especially worried about my parenting skills). Ivan has decided to help out new parents by issuing a regular newsletter called: #TeamIvan’s: News From The Crib (#95) – Tantrums.
1. Our son is 18-months-old, and we’ve noticed that he’s started to throw tantrums. What should we do? Throw them back.
2. What’s the best way to handle a tantrum? The way you would handle a soufflé – carefully.
3. Is there a way to shorten the length of a tantrum? Yes, it’s called “giving in.”
4. Why do toddlers have tantrums? Because they haven’t learned to say “F-ck!!!” yet.
5. How can you tell when a tantrum is about to happen? You can’t. That’s what makes them so exciting!
6. Are tantrums caused by spoiling children? No, you can put a child in a refrigerator to keep him fresh, and he’ll still have tantrums.
7. What should you do if your child has a tantrum in public? Take out your video camera and yell “Cut! Cut! No good. We’ll have to do another take.” That way people will think you’re a hot-shot director filming a kids’ movie and not a parent with no parenting skills and an embarrassingly loud child.
8. When do children grow out of tantrums? When they’re able to break into your liquor cabinet and/or take your car keys.
9. Are some children more prone to tantrums than others? Yes. And, they generally grow up to be as annoying as their parents.
10. Should you let a child having a tantrum “cry it out?” Only if you have a batch of martinis on hand.
